Do you ever struggle with the feeling of not being enough??
Is the question I asked a question over in the Happiness, Health and Adventure facebook group the other day and the responses didn’t surprise me in the least.
The responses came as no surprise, because I know it’s something that has challenged me for a really long time, and those feelings still crop up. This is why it’s become so important for me to condition and work on my mindset daily.
It’s not that the thoughts don’t ever arise for me, it’s just that when they do, I now cope with them far better. I am now able question them and take action on finding evidence for the opposite, and shift through them coming back to a more positive spin on situation, so that I don’t allow them to hold me back or keep me stuck.
Think about how you act when you doubt yourself, when you feel like you are not good enough.
It makes you feel like sh*t right??
Here are some of my own personal examples and how I work through them to create a turn around.
I would look at myself in the mirror and notice some cellulite or grab some belly fat and the thoughts would turn to ‘look at the state of me, who am I to teach on health and fitness, I’m not good enough’. This thought then would lead me to procrastinate about putting out that blog, email, recording a workout video or put off launching my next program.
People talk so much about self love and loving your body just as it is, and if you can do that then hell yes for you. For me my belly is a lot bigger than I would like, it’s saggy and wrinkly from stretched skin and massive weight gain in both my pregnancies, so do I truly love it as it is?? I know I want it to look better than does right now, so I choose to appreciate it for what it is. My body can do awesome things, I can chin up, I can run up mountains, I can complete spartan races, heck my body grew and nurtured two amazing healthy boys.
I CAN choose to respect and appreciate it and every day wake up with the intention of taking care of it in a way that feels good to me. The energy I get from this thought serves me far better than the feeling of disgust and hate. This feeling inspires me to keep on working out, making healthy choices and continuing to live my life feeling happy within myself.
When it comes to work stuff and I send out a blog post I put my heart and soul into writing and giving free help and support and then no one comments or hits the like button. Yeah that sh*t hurts and makes me doubt if I am good enough question my ability to make a difference, like no one cares. So make sure you give this post a god damn like!!! Jokes lol, honestly I have been doing this long enough to work through that one, but the thought of that, if I don’t challenge it usually makes me want to stop working, down tools and just eat.
So instead of focusing on the lack of response, I turn that and remind myself of all the replies I DO get from the people that say that just one thing from an email/blog/post I sent really hit home and made a difference . I focus in on that one person. Because if I can help just one person with my words then it was worth it. This inspires me to keep on writing and putting things out despite and fears I may have.
Or when I see some wonder Mum on social media doing all these amazing things with their kids, yet I often feel like I spend most of my time shouting and screaming at mine as I try and get them to behave themselves. The thought of ‘i’m failing as a parent’ makes me feel exhausted, grumpy and like I just want a break from it all.
Social media in itself can be a complete mindfield when it comes to not feeling enough and I know many people have come off it all together for that exact reason. For me i don’t feel the need to come off social media, in fact I love it. I have met some amazing people and developed some awesome relationships as a result of it, BUT I do believe you have to manage and notice how social media makes you think and feel about yourself.
The thought of not being good enough in any area of your life makes you feel unmotivated to do anything, it keeps you playing small, it blocks you from enjoying and appreciating life.
Yet the great thing is that you are actually in charge of how you feel and how you choose to perceive things.
And this isn’t just about being a naturally positive and happy person, I realise how the thoughts that challenge you and shift your mood down but it comes back to training your brain and your mindset to create something different.
So if you want to shift the feeling from constantly feeling like you never quite measure up, to feeling the joy of life, inspired and motivated again then:
Notice the negative self talk– Notice it and stop it in its tracks, you can choose to feel differently or take on a different perspective. If you wouldn’t say those things to your best friend, then don’t say them to yourself.
Celebrate your wins – Take some time each day, each week, each month to recognise your wins. No matter how big or small, recognising that you are winning at life WILL inspire you to do the work to be able to create more of that, and let’s face it, it will make you feel good.
Practice Gratitude – I know it’s massively banged on about in the movement of positive psychology movement, but that is because it works. Being grateful is the big dog of positive emotions, you simply cannot feel hateful when you are feeling grateful. And of course if you have watched the new trainings for the planner (CLICK HERE to get your free copy of the planner) you can take it up a notch with the gratitude x 5 tool.
Ask better questions – If you are asking questions such as ‘why does this always happen to me’ or ‘what’s wrong with me’ you are going to get a negative answer and the resulting negative energy. Instead ask ‘what can I do differently to create something different’, ‘what’s right with me’ ‘how can I feel better about this’. The power of positive questions that you can use your journal to answer can take you from a place of constantly feeling like a victim, to realising that you are the one responsible and the one in power of how your life turns out. You are not a result of your circumstances, you are a result of your choices
With this in mind and as we are now at the end of the month, use these tools to go back and review and reflect on the month that has passed and make a note of what else you are going to implement in your life as you look ahead for 2019 and beyond.
Use THE PLANNER, use your journaling practice and use the struggle to teach you and help you grow.
PS – If you keep on hearing about all the benefits of journaling, but don’t really know where to start you can check out my journaling for beginners workshop HERE