The Confidence Cycle

By Emma Colsey-Nicholls | Uncategorized

Aug 15

The Confidence Cycle

So this week I am taking on the task of solo parenting in a foreign country.


Gav has worked away before, so being on my own is nothing new, BUT I have always had the support of my family around before.


This time though, sh!t is pretty real and I do have some apprehensions about it, yet I also know it will do me the absolute world of good. I always work on looking for the positive in every situation, because otherwise, well you just turn into a whingey winey, poor woe is me type of person.


I truly believe in experiencing things that make you feel uncomfortable, that is the only way your confidence grows. Every experience is there to teach you something. While a lot of people choose to sit and moan, I choose to decide what lessons I can take and what can I do to improve the situation (I do moan a little but use it to direct my thoughts into action).


You see confidence works in cycles that are driven by 3 factors.


Our Beliefs, our results and our actions and they all feed into one another.



We can have diminishing self-confidence cycle, where in essence your confidence gets worse and lower.


So for example, when I first moved out here to France and wanted to learn the language, my belief was that I’m not very good at languages. I believed that I have never been able to learn languages easily, my accents are literally the worst (you wanna hear me attempt a Scottish accent) and I just don’t like it.


So my actions were that I would avoid attempting to speak French at all, I would rely on Gav to get by and never push myself to do it.


The result from that was just complete avoidance and if by chance I did have to try and speak to someone and they would just look at me like WFT are you talking about, making me feel useless and stupid. This ‘result’ = feeds into my belief of ‘see I’m rubbish at French, I’m never going to get it’.


The cycle that is continually diminishing my confidence in trying to speak french.


See how it can be easy to stay in the cycle?? To stay within my comfort zone of not pushing myself to learn it because it’s uncomfortable and the result is enforcing my belief, so why bother at all??


Where we live in France has a very large English community, it is very possible to not push myself to learn it. Clayton is almost fluent, surly I can just rely on the kids for the rest of my life right?!?!?!


BUT I have decided to live in a foreign country I WANT to make an effort to learn the language better, I want to feel more confident going out and getting by anywhere.


The cycle works in both directions though.


So I have been continuing with my French lessons each week. Each week I feel a little anxious and uncomfortable about going, still feeling rubbish and a bit pathetic at my feeble attempts to speak, but I keep on going. In fact it has still been in an almost ½ hearted attempt as I often don’t do my homework and still avoid practicing in between, yet I just kept on showing up.


Then last week I had a bloody fantastic lesson. Helpful that I have a lovely teacher who is giving me lots of praise and encouragement and reminding me of how far I have come.


At the start of each lesson I attempt to explain how I am today, what’s been going on, what’s the weather like, blah, blah blah and we spent about 15 minutes conversing in French. Whoop go me!! I’m being able to understand and pick up more things, the results are starting to shift by taking regular action. Just small baby steps but some sort of action all the same.


You see now the new results are feeding and shifting my beliefs.


The new result – My teacher said I did well and I can feel the improvement

Shifting belief – I can do this if I keep working, Imagine what I could do if I actually did my homework and stopped avoiding conversations??

Action – Start practicing more regularly and actually completing my homework


Do you now see how this same confidence loop can apply to YOU and the things that have been holding you back?


As a natural introvert confidence doesn’t just come easily for me, it takes work, practice and a shift in my mindset to push through the things that make me feel uneasy.


Do you struggle with feelings of not being good enough? Then stay within your comfort zone? Which lets face it, isn’t all that comfortable. You know you want more than the results you are receiving right now?


The Focused Mind, Fierce Body Formula is a process that will guide you through the process of actually waking up to what your underlying believes are. No it’s not just because you love chocolate and have no will power. There are often very deep reasons why you behave the way you do. Once you can identify that, you start to empower yourself to be able to create different actions and experience a huge shift in your results.


I love mindset work so much as it’s a process that really allows YOU to take back control of your life.


Applications have already started coming in and I do expect the 5 available places to get filled up quickly. CLICK HERE to find out more


We start on the 18th September.




I have a new website, Yey. head over to the new space now.